It was one of those situations where you try hard to give others their privacy, but they are totally absorbed in their conversation and unconcerned; I stood in line for coffee waiting for my turn to order among a morning crowd likely enroute to their offices in downtown Honolulu. Thus I could not help overhearing the exchange right behind me by two young women about something which happened the day before, this sentence staying with me longer than the rest:

“I know she’s the boss when we’re at work, but I really thought we were friends too, and that should count for something, right?”

Um, no, it shouldn’t.
I could just imagine the complications; on-again off-again friendships with the boss at work can make for messy workplaces where the rules of engagement are as temporary and slippery as the rain puddles left by a tropical storm.

Think about the best boss you have ever had.

What made them so good?

Chances are a substantial part of the reason that relationship worked so well for both of you is that there was no confusion of roles. Chances are, that person treated everyone consistently, focused on goals complementing company mission and vision, and individual performance and growth. Chances are, that person tried to be only one thing for you, and the one thing you expected them to be; a great boss.

• The boss can, and should, be someone you admire, respect, and count on.
• The boss can, and should, be someone you ask for coaching from, someone you know will dish out those clear expectations and tough love when you need them most.
• The boss can, and should, be someone you would like to mentor you, knowing you will learn from them, and they will challenge you to deliver nothing but your best in every situation.

To deliver all that, they need not be friends with you. On the contrary, friendship layers complexity where a relationship can best be kept clear and simple.

The “friendship factor” is this: Friendship shouldn’t factor into any of this at all; it doesn’t have to.

Are you the boss?

Instinctively most managers know this. It’s probably the reason that one of the earliest traps new supervisors often fall into is trying to be best friend or after-work beer buddy to their employees. Well, take it from someone who has seen this strategy backfire time and again; employees don’t really want you to be a father figure, second mother, best friend, soul mate, or even confidant. They want you to be their boss! A strategy-mapping, consistent, objective, organized and predictable boss with an inspiring vision, and a boss who has the same high expectations for everyone they manage—including themselves. You will seldom, if ever, come across employees who say that to you directly; however, when that’s what you deliver, many will thank you for being the kind of leader they wanted. They will recognize in you the manager they needed. They will sing your praises as their best boss ever.

When you hire people they come connected. Your employees have families and friends. Your role as their manager is a different one, and it is one they come on board expecting you to fill—boss! Your role is one they will not have anywhere else; the only place you can find and benefit from a Best Boss relationship is at work. On the other hand, you have heaps more options when it comes to finding great friends.

The work of being a manager can take on a whole new viewpoint of opportunity and possibility when you realize that boss, coach and mentor is who you can be for someone else. Being the “best boss ever” is a great role to pursue: To execute their jobs well, employees need teachers, coaches, cheerleaders and mentors, and that’s what their managers need to be for them.

Great managers relish the opportunity —and the honor and privilege.

Tags: expectations, friendship, management, work

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 16th, 2008 at 1:00 am and is filed under Alaka‘i Management, Definitions and Context. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.