Students Need the Life Skill of Caring and Speaking Up
November 5th, 2009 by Rosa SayI did something a week ago I am not particularly proud of, but if I’m completely honest about it, I don’t regret it either. Well, maybe one partial regret; I could have been more tactful and less forceful and direct, and still get my message across.
I gave a speech while I was angry at my audience.
After writing about The Lost Generation and our Sense of Workplace issue over the past month my emotions got the best of me I guess, for I very bluntly (as in very bluntly) told my audience of 15 to 17 year-old students how hugely disappointed I was in them for not asking questions —and not caring. Not questions of me (for we hadn’t even gotten that far) but of teachers and adults in general, and in particular of our Mea Ho‘okipa (hosts) for the day who had laid out the welcome mat for them.
Parents and teachers, I blame you
Parents: Are you really upset about Hawai‘i’s Friday furloughs because your children are not learning, or because you’ve lost 17 days of babysitting?
I ask because I just don’t see that the learning which counts is happening anyway, where both you and your children’s teachers have this partnership in shaping our youth, growing them to be life-skilled adults.
Teachers: Let’s say you get your instructional days back. If you keep using them the way you’ve used them up to this point, it doesn’t matter. I know that you rant about parents expecting you to babysit too; I’ve heard you. Yet you still put up with it, and you still do it because your expectations of our students in your schools are way too low.
The full story
I was asked to speak to a group of students over their lunch, talking to them about Managing with Aloha, and in particular my personal story of “local girl done good.” They attend a private school and were on a field trip, and I was scheduled to be their end-of-the-day motivational speaker.
Whenever I speak, particularly to a new audience, I will be sure I arrive early so I can mingle and meet people much as the opportunity presents itself, for the more we connect ahead of time, the better my presentation ends up. This time their teacher invited me to join the rest of the field trip, and having the day free I eagerly accepted, then watched with increasing dismay as these highly fortunate students barely paid much attention to what was presented to them.
It was one of those situations where the workplace host really made the best of it; the students were given 8 other presentations before mine, all only 10- 20 minutes each, while we took a fabulous walking tour of their business. The presentations were made by managers who normally do not speak, and working with middle managers every day as I do, I could tell how much careful preparation they had put into what they did; they went “all in.” The students barely pretended to care, showing very little interest and asking no questions unless pressed to do so.
The other adults there, their teachers and chaperones, and the other embarrassed host reps, jumped in often to fill the awkward silences and give the presenters whatever acknowledgment and interesting questions they could. It didn’t help: The students still were not interested, and still didn’t care. They only became a bit more talkative when they started whining about being hungry, asking where we’d have lunch.
So we fed them. Then I had them circle their chairs around me in a tight circle for my presentation, I forbid the adults in the room to talk, I threw out my prepared presentation, and I gave them a much more forceful one about respect, Ho‘ohanohano and the strength and demeanor of Alaka‘i initiative they will need to make it in our world. Then, I told them I really didn’t care what time their school bus was scheduled to leave and take them back to their campus; I wasn’t going to dismiss them until they asked me or the other adults still in the room (with their jaws on the floor) some intelligent questions. And guess what? They did. They struggled with it, but they did.
They have the smarts. We don’t demand they use them
Parents and teachers, you are doing a miserable job at preparing our youth for the workplace. Heck, you’re doing a miserable job at preparing them for life. It was rough, but honestly, at their age (two thirds of them expect to graduate this year) I think I was easy on them.
I wish I could say this was a one-time experience, but it wasn’t —though it was the first time I let my emotions get the best of me. Normally I take it on the chin and politely plow through my presentation the civilized adult way, and therefore, it has gotten to the point where I usually stick to teaching adults in the workplace and refuse these speaking ‘opportunities’ knowing how high the chances are I will be disappointed.
I mentioned this was a private school, and yes, knowing of the privilege I feel these particular students have was likely another accelerant of my anger that day, but I have had this same experience in public schools, and worse, in colleges where students are supposed to care a bit more (at least about the encroaching certainty they will soon be on their own).
Do you know why desperation does not kick in during college either? We have been spoon-feeding our youth, and they just expect it will keep happening in the workplace too. That is what they expect, no, they know us adults to do. It’s our m.o.
Uh, wrong.
I used to tell myself it was me —I’m better with speaking to, teaching and coaching adults who already have some workplace experience as the context they draw from – and I think that is still true; the workplace is my playground and laboratory. However I am done with letting the rest of you off the hook —you parents, teachers, coaches and counselors who get the first shot at the people we in business eventually hire.
We in business accept our Kuleana too: As a manager and now as a coach, I have always taught managers about their profound responsibility with taking over for you, and treating the workplace as the ‘next classroom’ wherein we are willing and able to do our part with shaping a good citizenry, mentoring people who can Ho‘ohana and be Alaka‘i in our Sense of Workplace —ensuring that business is now a healthy environment where they will continue to cultivate their life skills, and they will care.
But hear me on this: We want to continue your good work. We’ve been starting it, and doing it for you. You have been doing a horrible job at getting our youth ready for the challenge called life, and you better dig deep, uncovering the reasons why and fixing them once and for all.
Not giving up, and I fully intend to continue championing this Call to Action I’ve added on the blog’s sidebar: Share Your Sense of Workplace. But you’ve got to know that it is really hard for employers to welcome the youth you ‘graduate’ into the workplace right now, because they simply aren’t ready.
Postscript:
If you are new to Say “Alaka‘i” this post may help with some context with our Hawaiian values of Alaka‘i and Ho‘ohana, and our Language of Intention here:
These related articles on Teaching with Aloha may be of interest:
Tags: Ho‘ohanohano, Kuleana, life skills, student expectations, teaching expectations, workplace readiness
November 5th, 2009 at 10:39 am
I have always asked questions and still do. I have not given up on learning just now in different subjects.
I used to ask a lot of questions and was told by other students to keep quiet. The more questions I asked they say the longer we have to stay in class. After awhile I stopped asking questions and played stupid. I became stupid in a sense where education, I didn't care anymore.
I look at things in a different way. My mind wondering. If a teacher tells me this, I would question what if done another way? There is no other way I was told. Found out there is. I sit on the fence and try to see both sides of things. I like to write my thoughts as well.
November 5th, 2009 at 11:09 am
Thank you Michael, I appreciate your reminding us about the peer pressure at play, for I honestly did not think about that, but now that you mention it, I definitely saw some of it in action that day, and in earlier instances.
Your comment speaks to the classroom environment and culture for me; if it was more interesting to all the students, I doubt many would mind questions because they would not be perceived as prolonging the agony.
On the teacher’s side of this, I do realize they are expected to cover curriculum whether it is interesting to you or not… the bureaucracy of academic ‘instruction’ needs serious reexamination.
Continue the questioning you are doing. It’s a thinking process that will serve you well.
November 6th, 2009 at 9:57 am
Hawai‘i, I will be frank: The lack of comments here continue to disappoint (thank you for yours Michael!), but I do understand
a) the island-style reticence and privacy preference of the business community my blog is intended for, and
b) the fear of trolls and abusive, lesser-moderated comment forums experienced elsewhere within the Honolulu Advertiser pages.
Thus if you are interested in helping to solve this issue, I would call your attention to the comments I have received on the cross-posting done at Talking Story, where a leadership coach and pair of educators I greatly admire are offering suggested solutions.
Mahalo nui,
Rosa
November 6th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
Teachers, when asked certain questions will not answer in fear of not knowing the answer. Goes for students who don't know how to ask a good question. Lawyers would say you don't ask a question unless you know the answer.
No one explained to me why I take math? I learned math teaches one to solve problems. Why English? The pen is mightier than the sword. A foreign language, may not realize but English is not world wide. These things I learned after school. Asking a teacher why, they won't say but as you say they must follow rules. I believe they can say anything to their convience.
My comment was posted but it seems the topic was for teachers than the student. It was what a teacher wants but not their students. My comment seemed to be ignored.
November 6th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Aloha Michael, I am not sure if you are asking for a response directly from teachers who might be reading this?
I felt I responded to your earlier comment, and perhaps I can add this in response to your last paragraph in this recent one: While I still do not excuse the impolite behaviors I witnessed, I have come to realize that I may have had unrealistic expectations of those students in the emotions of the day itself (within my speech to them). They were not ready to rise to my challenge any more than they are to enter our work world.
Your comments do attest to some of the reasons why: Our existing school system and peer pressures are part of the challenge. Thus I was hoping my blog postings would shift attention to these other areas of responsibility where my attentions should have been (and are now) - and I started with parents and teachers.
We are not ignoring the students (well, maybe we have been up to this time) and clearly, they need to be part of the solution, being more actively involved for the sake of their own well-being. So the question is, how do we achieve that, and how do we start?
November 6th, 2009 at 7:37 pm
When my comment was posted in Talking Story. The comment was not discussed. I don't mind it not being discussed. I see teachers ignore what student want and teach only what teachers want. You did not ignore my comment the others did.
November 8th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
UPDATE:
I wanted to share a follow up to this which would be more inspirational and promising, and this past weekend I spent some time searching for what is right within our school system versus what is wrong.
I found something within my stack of mail, the school bulletin published by Punahou School. An excerpt, and the link to the online article available is on my Talking Story blog today:
Link --- PUEO Reaching for College
Well done Punahou!
November 9th, 2009 at 11:40 am
Preparation should have been done. Did the students know what topics the eight different speakers were going to talk about? Perhaps teachers should have made it mandatory for the students to write at least two questions for each of the speakers.
Even I can't come up with questions to ask until later, because I'm still processing what I just heard.
Extra credit, student's should have signed-up and asked a chosen speaker a question. Or students should write a paper on what they learned and how it affected them and why. Inaddition a list of questions (required) they would have asked the speaker should be included. And then send the papers and questions to the speaker with a thank you note.
P.S.
My 15 year-old daughter attended private school from 6th-9th grade. This year she is at a public school. For her furlough Friday's I've signed her up at the Hawaiian Humane Society for community service. I told her furlough Friday's are not a day off and that she's lucky she has the opportunity to learn something new. After two days of training, on her first working day she was asked to do a tv news feature representing the Humane Society and how she's making the best use of her furlough Fridays. When she got in the car she couldn't wait to tell me about it. And I could sense excitment and accomplishment on her part as she described the dog she chose to appear with her and how she answered the questions with thought and training.
November 10th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
I hope the show you watch on Monday night weekly at 8pm is helpfull.
November 11th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Aloha Options, thank you for your comment. I apologize for my delay in pulling it out of moderation as I was traveling with limited online access. You have added wonderful suggestions for teachers, mahalo.
What great news this is about your daughter's furlough Friday experience with the Hawaiian Humane Society - I applaud all of you who were involved in making that happen for her. I am hearing many stories similar to this, of people truly capitalizing on the opportunity furlough Fridays have presented us with, and it is quite encouraging.
Aloha Michael, have not yet been able to catch a viewing, but I will be sure to do so. Thank you again for the suggestion.
November 13th, 2009 at 8:46 am
Rosa!! I love this post! When is your next talking engagement to students? Can I send my girls??
November 13th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
Thank you Becky. As I mentioned within my posting, this is not an issue I am giving up on helping to improve, however I think I can serve better in other ways. There are those much more talented than I am who are taking this message to students in a more articulate way students can better relate to, and my wish is that more parents join you in your caring about your daughters' education and preparation for the work world they are to enter one day.
Since I first published this, I have been so encouraged to learn that many are up in arms and pursuing better, and now that I have written about this part of the story, I will continue to focus on sharing the stories of improvements and about what is right, and what is working, for those successes are what we must all learn to duplicate. For instance I have already shared this follow-up on Talking Story about the Punahou school PUEO program:
PUEO Reaching for College
We will continue our conversations, mahalo nui for commenting for us.
November 19th, 2009 at 7:20 am
Aloha Rosa,
Just getting linked to your blog, my apologies. A very good point in your post, and it is apathetic, disheartening, and most of all frustrating. When we as an individual, a group, a society accept mediocrity, we have lost the battle. Status quo should never be good enough, demand that everything be done in the 'spirit of excellence'...everything, and mark the results. Whether a parent or child, coach or player, teacher or student, or employer or employee choose to just keep 'doing the same 'ol thing because that is the way it's ALWAYS been done'....we have lost the fight and will never realize excellence.
just a thought......
January 9th, 2010 at 7:46 am
January 2010 Update:
Written for The Atlantic by Amanda Ripley, this is a STELLAR follow-up to this conversation:
What Makes a Great Teacher?
“He is, like many great teachers, well aware that he is not one in a million—or at least, that he should not be.”
In part:
“I find myself wanting to play. You know you’re in a good classroom if you have to stop yourself from raising your hand.”